Have you ever had a lot of different emotions in one day? Or at one time? Most of us probably have. That seems to have been my life the past 5 years. I am definitely no stranger to conflicting emotions. I think at some point, we wonder if that means we are crazy, because how is it possible to be sad and happy at the same time? Or to be fearful and have hope at the same time? I just experienced these conflicting emotions a few days ago and it threw me for a whirlwind of thoughts and strange feelings.
My grandmother (my only living grandparent) was admitted into the hospital this past week with some serious heart problems. (She's been released now and is following up with more doctors to figure out what is going on). But of course, of all places...she was admitted to Sacred Heart Hospital. We parked on the Heart Institute side of the hospital and started making our way through the parking lot to one of the side entrances. My mind immediately went back to the days when I spent a huge amount of time on Floor 2, The Cancer Ward. The years of 2005 and 2006 were spent with my first husband Craig, as he went through his battle with Lymphoma. We had a lot of rough times in that hospital, a lot of good times too. That hospital is where he passed away. So, I have a general dislike of that place. I remember for the first year after he passed, when I drove by Sacred Heart, my stomach would lurch and I would almost have some kind of panic attack. I hated that place. So, when we were walking up to the entrance of the hospital a few days ago, I remembered that same walk from the car to doors. Craig didn't eat a lot of hospital food, so any time he was in the hospital, I would usually go out and get us breakfast. Of course other people who were so generous brought us food most other times of the day. I was never a morning person (and still am not), but still when I have to get up really early, just when it's turning daylight out, I am brought back to those days of getting up out of the cot in the hospital room, making that familiar walk out to my car and driving to get McDonald's.
I always park at the same place there at Sacred Heart, so the route from the parking lot, through the doors, down the hall, a turn to the right, down the hall to the elevator....even though it's been years, it's still so familiar to me. Like those days were yesterday. So, on the way to see my grandmother, I expected to have those yucky emotions and memories, but I wasn't expecting how strong they ended up being. As soon as we walked in the doors, the smell hit me. Not a bad smell, just that hospital smell. And memories flooded my mind. Bad ones, and good ones. You know, smell is the strongest link to our memories. I knew that, but I had forgotten how strong it could be. It was crazy. So many things flashed in my mind; I could clearly remember the faces of different doctors and nurses, the cleaning ladies, the lady at the Starbucks on the corner, where all the scans and procedures took place, the stairway that I used so much, the hospital rooms, the nurses stations, the chapel, how to work the iv pump, where the bathrooms were. So many memories that seemed like yesterday. And the different emotions started. The ache in my heart came, but then again, there was joy and thankfulness in my heart for the time that we did get to spend together. Even though it was in a yucky hospital, it was together. Even though it was painful to remember some things, I almost laughed at unforgettable and hilarious moments that happened in that place, on that floor.
Along with all those memories involving my life with Craig, I remembered back to the spring of 2009 when my good friend Will was sick and in the hospital. Chris, my incredible husband, was with me when I first went to see him. This was when he was in a drug induced coma and it was my first time going to Sacred Heart since Craig had passed away. For 3 1/2 years I managed to avoid that place. I was going to go and just visit with his family and close friends that were there, but they asked me if I wanted to go in to see him. Something I wasn't prepared for. I knew it was affecting me as soon as they asked; my heart had started to race. Chris took my hand and walked with me to his room. He told me afterward that my chest and face got so red. I was shaking. I did not want see another important person in my life in bad shape. I remember telling Will that it was the first time I had been back to that hospital and I knew that he knew what a big step that was for me. Will passed away about a month after that and I will never forget that day at that hospital. I only wish I had the good memories of him there, that I have of Craig.
Man, those mixed emotions. They are conflicting. They confuse me. But, I think the bottom line of how we deal with them is this: You may have negative emotions and positive emotions, all at the same time....it's which one we allow to affect us that matters. I could have let those bad memories ruin my night and my time with my grandmother. But, I chose to be thankful for all the good memories. I chose to remember my past, but look forward to my future. When we were there, and that hospital smell flooded my mind with memories, I also felt my baby girl moving around inside me. I had sad emotions from the tragedy that happened at the place, but I was also feeling elated from this live movement inside me! Mixed emotions, all at one time! But, I chose to look forward. Not forget the past, but look forward to this great life and future God is blessing me with.
(I am also looking forward to meeting my new niece that is about to be born at Sacred Heart! So, I think that place that I dreaded so much for so long, will now have a wonderful new memory to look back on, the birth of a beautiful little girl who is going to bring so much joy to me, her parents and our family!)
Thanks for "listening" to me ramble. Just had those thoughts that I wanted to get out. :) God bless, everyone!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Rick Warren
I am one of the geeks on Twitter. Honestly, I don't think it's really for me, but what I do love about it, is being able to "follow" pastors that I really like. I really enjoy Troy Gramling (our pastor at Flamingo Road Church), Andy Stanley and Rick Warren. I especially like Rick Warren's "tweets". At least once a day, I am getting something out of what he shares. So, I thought I would share some of his thoughts with you. Hope you like them!
"We overestimate what we can do in 1 year & underestimate what we can do in 10. Set larger goals & take longer to reach them."
"Anytime you expect anyone to meet needs in your life that only God can meet, it's unfair to them & disappointing to you."
"If God only used perfect people nothing would get done."
"FAITH is FOLLOWING without knowing where, WAITING without knowing when, BELIEVING without knowing how, TRUSTING without knowing why."
"All leadership is built on trust & trust is built on truth."
"My family is my 1st ministry. I'll never regret I put them before work...."
"The most common way Jesus comes into our lives is through a broken heart."
"The big error young leaders make is thinking leadership is about the leader. It's not about YOU! It's about those you serve."
"Authenticity is being what you seem & saying what you mean."
"PAIN can either be the most useful or the most useless part of your life. It all depends on how much you trust God in it."
There are so many more, these were just some quotes that jumped out at me, at the place I am right now in life. If you have twitter, follow Rick! I promise you'll get something out of his daily words.
"We overestimate what we can do in 1 year & underestimate what we can do in 10. Set larger goals & take longer to reach them."
"Anytime you expect anyone to meet needs in your life that only God can meet, it's unfair to them & disappointing to you."
"If God only used perfect people nothing would get done."
"FAITH is FOLLOWING without knowing where, WAITING without knowing when, BELIEVING without knowing how, TRUSTING without knowing why."
"All leadership is built on trust & trust is built on truth."
"My family is my 1st ministry. I'll never regret I put them before work...."
"The most common way Jesus comes into our lives is through a broken heart."
"The big error young leaders make is thinking leadership is about the leader. It's not about YOU! It's about those you serve."
"Authenticity is being what you seem & saying what you mean."
"PAIN can either be the most useful or the most useless part of your life. It all depends on how much you trust God in it."
There are so many more, these were just some quotes that jumped out at me, at the place I am right now in life. If you have twitter, follow Rick! I promise you'll get something out of his daily words.
A little more real
I had my 5th midwife appointment Tuesday afternoon. Although it was a quick and a pretty non-eventful appointment, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why? We were given our Baptist Hospital packet. This includes information on birthing classes, our preadmission forms and a birth plan to help make sure what we want to happen during the labor and delivery actually happens. For some reason, just thinking about scheduling the tour of the Birthing Center makes it all the more real to me. I'm half way through the pregnancy and absolutely can't wait to hold this little girl.
I feel very blessed to (at this point) not have a million questions asked about the type of delivery I want to have or why we want to do clothe diapers. I think a lot of moms-to-be are driven crazy with those questions and opinions. Maybe the reason why I haven't had a ton of that going is, people know me well enough to know that, sure...they can give me their opinions, but I'm ultimately going to do what I want. That sounds sort of rude, that's not what I intend. For me, I am proud that I am a pretty decisive and sure woman that knows what she wants. I guess what I mean is that I'm glad that I don't give in to peer pressure. Does that make sense? I think so many young woman can be swayed one way or another if they are not sure of who they are.
Saying all that, I do appreciate all the mommy advice I'm given when I ask for it, and I definitely take in to consideration all the different options and opinions given to me. I mean, it's not like I'm a pro at this yet. I definitely don't know everything, and can't talk from experience yet. This is my first child! I am so thankful that I have a number of really close girlfriends who have and are continuing to have babies. I feel like I can get up to date information from them and get really honest answers and advice from them. Thank God for those women and for my mom! Although she doesn't remember all the little things she dealt with during her pregnancy with me and Thomas, she's just supportive. Which is so nice and so needed!
The one thing I guess I would like is more support from the close people around me (the ones I need the support from the most!), on the choice to not do an epidural. My close friends know why I am choosing not to go that route and although they understand why I am doing a more natural birth, I don't feel like they think I can do it. That is disheartening. I guess because I deal with these migraines so bad, and they leave me in bed for days a lot of the time, maybe people think my pain tolerance isn't very high. To me, it's just the opposite - although a very different type of pain, I know that if I can handle the migraines, I will be able to handle the birth. Nevertheless, I know that I am really the only person that has to believe in myself. And I do.
I am very excited about my support system that will be with me during the birth of Emery. My husband, Chris of course. He'll be my #1, my most important Encourager. My mother, who will know exactly how to rub my head if I start getting a headache. One of my best friends, Brittany. She'll be my picture taker and positive reenforcement. And Tina, my massage therapist and close friend of my family. I'm viewing her sort of as my Doula. And she's someone to keep everyone else calm if they get too worked up. ;)
Ah, so now, we do paperwork and schedule our tour and go to the Great Expectations Class. So scary, but so exciting!
I feel very blessed to (at this point) not have a million questions asked about the type of delivery I want to have or why we want to do clothe diapers. I think a lot of moms-to-be are driven crazy with those questions and opinions. Maybe the reason why I haven't had a ton of that going is, people know me well enough to know that, sure...they can give me their opinions, but I'm ultimately going to do what I want. That sounds sort of rude, that's not what I intend. For me, I am proud that I am a pretty decisive and sure woman that knows what she wants. I guess what I mean is that I'm glad that I don't give in to peer pressure. Does that make sense? I think so many young woman can be swayed one way or another if they are not sure of who they are.
Saying all that, I do appreciate all the mommy advice I'm given when I ask for it, and I definitely take in to consideration all the different options and opinions given to me. I mean, it's not like I'm a pro at this yet. I definitely don't know everything, and can't talk from experience yet. This is my first child! I am so thankful that I have a number of really close girlfriends who have and are continuing to have babies. I feel like I can get up to date information from them and get really honest answers and advice from them. Thank God for those women and for my mom! Although she doesn't remember all the little things she dealt with during her pregnancy with me and Thomas, she's just supportive. Which is so nice and so needed!
The one thing I guess I would like is more support from the close people around me (the ones I need the support from the most!), on the choice to not do an epidural. My close friends know why I am choosing not to go that route and although they understand why I am doing a more natural birth, I don't feel like they think I can do it. That is disheartening. I guess because I deal with these migraines so bad, and they leave me in bed for days a lot of the time, maybe people think my pain tolerance isn't very high. To me, it's just the opposite - although a very different type of pain, I know that if I can handle the migraines, I will be able to handle the birth. Nevertheless, I know that I am really the only person that has to believe in myself. And I do.
I am very excited about my support system that will be with me during the birth of Emery. My husband, Chris of course. He'll be my #1, my most important Encourager. My mother, who will know exactly how to rub my head if I start getting a headache. One of my best friends, Brittany. She'll be my picture taker and positive reenforcement. And Tina, my massage therapist and close friend of my family. I'm viewing her sort of as my Doula. And she's someone to keep everyone else calm if they get too worked up. ;)
Ah, so now, we do paperwork and schedule our tour and go to the Great Expectations Class. So scary, but so exciting!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Random Thoughts of the Day
There are a lot of things I'm looking forward in the next couple of months. I thought I'd share some....
1) This weekend my sweet sister-in-law and one of my best friends, Traycie is having her baby shower. Well both of her showers in one weekend. But, the one I am going to is tomorrow morning and I couldn't be more excited for her! This baby girl already has been such a delightful and wonderful surprise to me, and I know to Traycie and Mark the most. I have no doubt that everyone that meets her is going to fall in love with her. Traycie is already a wonderful mom to Evans and Westin, and I know her and Mark are going to be amazing parents to this sweet little girl. The baby shower tomorrow has been put together by some pretty amazing women and I know it will be wonderful. Praying Traycie gets beyond blessed tomorrow with lots of goodies and necessaties that her and "little miss" need.
2) Also, our friends and one of our favorite local bands will be back here to play a show at the Vinyl Music Hall, a new venue in Pensacola. Love these guys and am so excited for their new adventure in Nashville. They will be playing Saturday night with a group called "Big Rock Candy Mountain". Just by the name of the band, I know I will love them as well.
The Gills - check 'em out!
3) We get to celebrate our one year anniversary on September 4th!
4) We see John Mayer on September 6th!
5) And we get to find out the sex of our baby on September 7th! (What a wonderful Labor Day weekend and week that will be!)
6) My birthday is the next weekend on September 11th. 28 and life is great! (so cheesy I know. I can't help it, it's who I am.)
7) Then I get to co-host my best friend Brittany's baby shower for her 2nd little girl. It will be simple and easy and really a chance for all her girlfriends to get together and have some delicious food.
8) Then, Brittany is due to have her baby girl! I get to witness this birth (with her first child, MaryAnn, I missed the actual birth because I couldn't leave work 5 minutes early). So, I am very much looking forward to seeing this sweet angel born!
9) My sis Traycie is due 4 days after Brittany, but we are really being ready for Baby Girl Snyder to make an appearance at any time. I'm praying she is able to make it to at least 35 weeks, but have faith that no matter when she comes, she will be a beautiful and healthy baby!
So, those are my random thoughts for today. I guess it's just one of those days when life seems to be pretty perfect and when you get so excited about life (and new life!) and you just want to share in your joy and excitement.
1) This weekend my sweet sister-in-law and one of my best friends, Traycie is having her baby shower. Well both of her showers in one weekend. But, the one I am going to is tomorrow morning and I couldn't be more excited for her! This baby girl already has been such a delightful and wonderful surprise to me, and I know to Traycie and Mark the most. I have no doubt that everyone that meets her is going to fall in love with her. Traycie is already a wonderful mom to Evans and Westin, and I know her and Mark are going to be amazing parents to this sweet little girl. The baby shower tomorrow has been put together by some pretty amazing women and I know it will be wonderful. Praying Traycie gets beyond blessed tomorrow with lots of goodies and necessaties that her and "little miss" need.
2) Also, our friends and one of our favorite local bands will be back here to play a show at the Vinyl Music Hall, a new venue in Pensacola. Love these guys and am so excited for their new adventure in Nashville. They will be playing Saturday night with a group called "Big Rock Candy Mountain". Just by the name of the band, I know I will love them as well.
The Gills - check 'em out!
 |
| At our wedding reception. |
3) We get to celebrate our one year anniversary on September 4th!
4) We see John Mayer on September 6th!
5) And we get to find out the sex of our baby on September 7th! (What a wonderful Labor Day weekend and week that will be!)
6) My birthday is the next weekend on September 11th. 28 and life is great! (so cheesy I know. I can't help it, it's who I am.)
7) Then I get to co-host my best friend Brittany's baby shower for her 2nd little girl. It will be simple and easy and really a chance for all her girlfriends to get together and have some delicious food.
8) Then, Brittany is due to have her baby girl! I get to witness this birth (with her first child, MaryAnn, I missed the actual birth because I couldn't leave work 5 minutes early). So, I am very much looking forward to seeing this sweet angel born!
9) My sis Traycie is due 4 days after Brittany, but we are really being ready for Baby Girl Snyder to make an appearance at any time. I'm praying she is able to make it to at least 35 weeks, but have faith that no matter when she comes, she will be a beautiful and healthy baby!
So, those are my random thoughts for today. I guess it's just one of those days when life seems to be pretty perfect and when you get so excited about life (and new life!) and you just want to share in your joy and excitement.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Speaking of talent....
I had a conversation with a sweet, encouraging friend of mine yesterday and I wanted to share some of the things we talked about. We talked about talent and desires mostly. It has always been my belief (and I think it has gotten clearer as I've gotten older), that God plants these talents in our being when we are just little children. I'm sure even before we are born, God is working out what gifts we are each going to have and what opportunities He will give us to expand and share these talents with the world. I do not believe for a minute that even one person is left out of the talent pool. Although, admittedly I feel left out often when I'm surrounded by such talented people, who are gifted in things like music, art, athletism. Those things are the more visible abilities in life, that I think most people at some point, wish they had more of. But, just because you aren't the best soccer player, or you can't sing worth a lick (like me), it doesn't mean that you are left out in the talent department. I think so much time is spent during the teen years and maybe even early twenties trying to figure out what you want to do with your life. What is it that you are good at doing? For those of us who aren't blessed with an astounding singing voice, or aren't as brilliant as our brother ;), might have a harder time figuring that out. But, I think there are clues to help us along the way.
I'm not sure God will give someone a talent without planting at least a small desire to use what has been given to them. This is where desires come in. True desires of your heart. The last few years, I have been madeaware, or rather have been reawakened with these desires in my heart. I've realized that over time, if you allow God, He will give you the opportunity to play out these desires, desires that you probably have had since you were a little kid. Desires that you probably forgot about, or pushed out of your head. Big dreams that for one reason or another, you started believing could never really happen. I believe there are so many things that keep us from realizing, or remembering these wants that we have. I think most people, when they are kids do dream of being great people, doing great things with their life. Maybe friends, parents, family, circumstances slowly start to eat away at these dreams. And those desires to be something, and to use those God given talents start to fade away. By our teenage years, we have forgotten most of them, or ignore them. Our mindset changes from the child like faith of "I'm going to do this", to "There's no way that will ever happen". We lose faith because our hearts are torn down by negatives words and thought patterns, and even society's statements to "be realistic". All those desires and big dreams just don't seem possible anymore.
But, that is not how God desires us to work. I remember when I was little, there were things that I wanted in life. Some big things, some random things. Just things that I didn't know why, but I wanted. I remember one of the earliest ones - I wanted to be an author. In 4th grade, I started doing a lot of writing and even won an regional contest on a essay I wrote about the life of my grandfather. Not a major achievement, but a small "something" that started this desire of mine. In 5th grade, I went for a couple days to Troy University to an author's conference. I took some classes and got to meet a famous author. I didn't have a clue on what I wanted to write on, I just knew I enjoyed writing and felt like it was something I was good at. But, life happened and I got busy with other, more social activities as I got older. That dream, although never really going away, was sort of pushed to the back of my mind. Another dream I had was to go to Africa. I remember learning about different countries in Africa and had no idea what I would do over there, it was just the one place in all the world that I wanted to visit. And as all young girls do, I dreamed of my future husband. The perfect man for me. But, as with all things, life happened, hurt happened. Devastating relationships happened. Not only was divorce all around me, but hurtful experiences I had with guys made me lose the hope that there really was "the right guy" out there for me. By the time I was in my late teens, very early twenties....I did not believe I would ever truly be happy with a truly wonderful man. That part of life would not exist for me. I thought I probably would end up getting married one day, but not to someone that I truly believed was the right person for me. I would simply be a content wife. But, as many of you know....I have actually been blessed to have that sort of love in my life, twice. When I was 21, I met an amazing guy, Craig; someone that I really thought was too good to be true. He proposed to me 7 months after we started dating (I knew as soon as we started dating that I would marry him). I had a hard time at first really believing that I would be worthy enough to have someone like him. With all my mistakes, God would really send me the man of my dreams? But, He did! We got married 6 months later and had an amazing 15 months of marriage. Craig passed away in the fall of 2006 from cancer. I'm sure I will write more on that later. But, the point is.....those desires of having a wonderful marriage with my perfect guy....God granted me those desires! And then, when I really had no desire to seriously date anyone, God sent me another man. Another perfect man for me. (Don't get me wrong, no one is perfect. But, we all have ideas on what our perfect person will be like ). I especially didn't think that was possible after losing such a great love. I really didn't believe that God could have made another guy as good as Craig was. But, again....He did! And He sent Chris to me at the perfect time. So, almost 3 years after I lost Craig, God blessed me with another incredible man and incredible marriage. So, that dream to marry the perfect guy for me....God always knew that deep desire of my heart. Even after losing my first husband, He wanted me to still live out that dream and made it possible, despite my fears and doubts. And the other desires I had when I was little.....I got to go to Africa in 2007. A dream come true. And I loved it. There was no way God was going to plant that dream in my heart when I was just a child and then have it wasted on a bad experience or for no purpose. I went on a short term mission trip with my father-in-law and still have the desire to go back one day. I'm not sure how much I helped the kids we visited, but I know it changed my life forever. And the thought and idea of being an author one day....well it's hasn't quite come to fruition yet, but it is in the process. I have been slowly working on a book about my experience with Craig, the cancer, and about 50 years worth of marriage in 15 months. I have no doubt that God will allow me to accomplish my desire of being an author. I don't care at all if it sells 10 copies or a thousand. I just know it is something I am meant to do.
To sum up my belief on talent and desires of the heart....I believe God plants these seeds of desire in your heart when you are a tiny, little kid. And then He gives you the ability, the talent to reach these dreams. We just have to make sure that the enemy doesn't get a hold of that faith that is needed to accomplish our dreams or the confidence to use the gift we are given. Because, if we allow him, the enemy will surely try to screw it up. He will do everything he can to prevent you from doing what God has designed you to do.
I still wonder today, what are some of my big ideas I had as a kid that I have forgotten. I'm sure there are at least some wants that I had that will surface again and I so look forward to it! I know God has a purpose for every dream, every desire, every attribute someone possesses. And I am so excited to keep discovering mine and using it for His glory. That's really what it is all about. So, please don't lose sight of those dreams, think BIG, but believe Bigger. Have the faith that God does want to use you and share you with the world.
I'm not sure God will give someone a talent without planting at least a small desire to use what has been given to them. This is where desires come in. True desires of your heart. The last few years, I have been made
But, that is not how God desires us to work. I remember when I was little, there were things that I wanted in life. Some big things, some random things. Just things that I didn't know why, but I wanted. I remember one of the earliest ones - I wanted to be an author. In 4th grade, I started doing a lot of writing and even won an regional contest on a essay I wrote about the life of my grandfather. Not a major achievement, but a small "something" that started this desire of mine. In 5th grade, I went for a couple days to Troy University to an author's conference. I took some classes and got to meet a famous author. I didn't have a clue on what I wanted to write on, I just knew I enjoyed writing and felt like it was something I was good at. But, life happened and I got busy with other, more social activities as I got older. That dream, although never really going away, was sort of pushed to the back of my mind. Another dream I had was to go to Africa. I remember learning about different countries in Africa and had no idea what I would do over there, it was just the one place in all the world that I wanted to visit. And as all young girls do, I dreamed of my future husband. The perfect man for me. But, as with all things, life happened, hurt happened. Devastating relationships happened. Not only was divorce all around me, but hurtful experiences I had with guys made me lose the hope that there really was "the right guy" out there for me. By the time I was in my late teens, very early twenties....I did not believe I would ever truly be happy with a truly wonderful man. That part of life would not exist for me. I thought I probably would end up getting married one day, but not to someone that I truly believed was the right person for me. I would simply be a content wife. But, as many of you know....I have actually been blessed to have that sort of love in my life, twice. When I was 21, I met an amazing guy, Craig; someone that I really thought was too good to be true. He proposed to me 7 months after we started dating (I knew as soon as we started dating that I would marry him). I had a hard time at first really believing that I would be worthy enough to have someone like him. With all my mistakes, God would really send me the man of my dreams? But, He did! We got married 6 months later and had an amazing 15 months of marriage. Craig passed away in the fall of 2006 from cancer. I'm sure I will write more on that later. But, the point is.....those desires of having a wonderful marriage with my perfect guy....God granted me those desires! And then, when I really had no desire to seriously date anyone, God sent me another man. Another perfect man for me. (Don't get me wrong, no one is perfect. But, we all have ideas on what our perfect person will be like ). I especially didn't think that was possible after losing such a great love. I really didn't believe that God could have made another guy as good as Craig was. But, again....He did! And He sent Chris to me at the perfect time. So, almost 3 years after I lost Craig, God blessed me with another incredible man and incredible marriage. So, that dream to marry the perfect guy for me....God always knew that deep desire of my heart. Even after losing my first husband, He wanted me to still live out that dream and made it possible, despite my fears and doubts. And the other desires I had when I was little.....I got to go to Africa in 2007. A dream come true. And I loved it. There was no way God was going to plant that dream in my heart when I was just a child and then have it wasted on a bad experience or for no purpose. I went on a short term mission trip with my father-in-law and still have the desire to go back one day. I'm not sure how much I helped the kids we visited, but I know it changed my life forever. And the thought and idea of being an author one day....well it's hasn't quite come to fruition yet, but it is in the process. I have been slowly working on a book about my experience with Craig, the cancer, and about 50 years worth of marriage in 15 months. I have no doubt that God will allow me to accomplish my desire of being an author. I don't care at all if it sells 10 copies or a thousand. I just know it is something I am meant to do.
To sum up my belief on talent and desires of the heart....I believe God plants these seeds of desire in your heart when you are a tiny, little kid. And then He gives you the ability, the talent to reach these dreams. We just have to make sure that the enemy doesn't get a hold of that faith that is needed to accomplish our dreams or the confidence to use the gift we are given. Because, if we allow him, the enemy will surely try to screw it up. He will do everything he can to prevent you from doing what God has designed you to do.
I still wonder today, what are some of my big ideas I had as a kid that I have forgotten. I'm sure there are at least some wants that I had that will surface again and I so look forward to it! I know God has a purpose for every dream, every desire, every attribute someone possesses. And I am so excited to keep discovering mine and using it for His glory. That's really what it is all about. So, please don't lose sight of those dreams, think BIG, but believe Bigger. Have the faith that God does want to use you and share you with the world.
I married a talented man
This is my husband, Chris. I figured since I would be doing most of the blogging, I could at least let you get to know him by posting some of what he does. Among his many talents, he is a photographer and works occasionally with Cook Images. Some of these photos are ones that he has done on his on, and some are from his shoots with Cook's. There are so many more, I just chose some of my favorites. Most of them are from wedding and bridal shoots, but I did post a few of his cousin Katie Rose. She lives away, but took the opportunity to have her senior portraits done here at the beach with Chris. | |||
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The Art of Parenting
So many things to think about....already. When it comes to having children, there are so many decisions to be made. Some easy, a lot of hard ones and a lot of not having a clue, but letting God "take the wheel".
I remember how I felt when I first found out I was pregnant. Although it was something that Chris and I both wanted, it still was a shock. Our original plan was to wait a couple years before starting a family. I am about to be 28 years old, and I knew I wanted to start having children by the time I was 30. So, to my surprise, after being married only 6 months, Chris told me he was ready and wanted to start trying to get pregnant. Huge shock! I know I bugged him so much with questions like, "are you sure?", "you know this will change our lives forever, right?", "why do you want to have a child now?". Poor guy. I just knew what a huge decision it was, especially for a still newly wed couple. You can probably tell that it took me a couple months to get used to the idea. I've always wanted to be a mom, but to actually be in a place in life where it was possible, that is a different story! I was more nervous at the thought of being a parent than I was actually birthing a baby! I had a lot of fears to get through to be ready to start trying. Issues with my health, the migraines I have has always made me nervous to be a mom. I had no doubt that Chris would be an excellent dad, but would I be a good mom? I felt highly inadequate to raise this precious, fragile child....a child with feelings, emotions, dreams of their own. What if I was an awful mother? But, I knew all these fears were not of God. And Chris helped me to work through them, just like he has in the past with all the different emotions and fears I've had to deal with. After only about a month of prayer about getting pregnant, if it was the right time or not....I was told I probably had endometriosis. If you know anything about this female disease, you know that it can make it harder to get pregnant, but at the same time, pregnancy can help it go away. So, we thought maybe God was directing us to try to start our family. If it some times took a while to get pregnant, maybe now was the time. We continued to pray, all while our friends told us their stories of trying for 6 months or more to get pregnant. I just knew I would be the same way. I really thought it would take a long time to conceive.
So our time line was....Chris told me in January that he was ready to be a father. February was when I was told about the endometriosis. March I stopped my birth control pills. April was a normal month, and May I got pregnant! So, now you know why it was a big surprise even though we knew we were as ready as we could be and weren't preventing it from happening.
So, the decision making started months before our baby was even conceived. And I think it will only get more difficult making decisions about the pregnancy, birth and life of our child. From the beginning, I have been more nervous about after the baby is born, about being a parent. Now, that I'm almost halfway through carrying this little one, (and my belly has started growing!), I'm starting to feel more stress of the decisions of tests, birthing methods, medicines and vaccines. And the list could go on. Our easy decisions were the names for our girl or boy, and how we wanted to decorate the nursery. But, those are fun! No wonder they are easy! The harder decisions are coming quickly. Thank goodness for a brilliant brother who can help lead me in a good direction as far as natural child birth and alternative health care. Thank goodness for an excellent midwife. And thank goodness for tons of friends that have already went through this whole pregnancy process before me! It has been really nice to watch all of my friends become mommies or add little ones into their family. Nice because it is a beautiful thing to behold, and nice because I've been able to learn so much from them. I've learned so many different parenting skills and it's really helped me to decide the type of parent I want to be. I've learned things that I definitely want to do, and things that I want to handle differently than some of the other mommies out there. And that's not to say that the way they parent is bad, at all! It's just different than what I imagine for our family. And I also know, that even though I have this idea in my head of the type of parenting I want us to do, that it may just not happen like that. I believe it depends on the child's personality and temperment. We may end up having to discipline differently than what we plan to now. We may have to be more lenient on certain things and more strict on things that we wouldn't think to be now. I really am trying to have the mindset of "We'll learn as we go". Because no matter how many books I read, or people I talk to...it will be a new adventure for us.
I think what scares me the most is what will happen when our baby starts getting older, like teenage age and then an adult. I've seen what a struggle it is for some parents to learn to let go and let children become adults. Although I've only been on the opposite side of the struggle, I know that it is hard for a parent to view their little child as an adult. My mom and I struggled with this, and I know other moms that struggle with it even today. There's so much psychology that goes in to this; every person and situation is different. But, I think it normally boils down to being able to let go, not have control, and realizing that your child is grown. They will make the decisions they make, even if it is the wrong one or one that you don't agree with. And the only thing you can really do is pray and believe that you raised them to follow after God and His will for their life. It really boils down to trust. Trusting in Him. But, that's a whole other blog. :)
I just pray that God will guide us each step of the way through this pregnancy, through each step of our child's life. I pray He will lead us in every decision we have to make. I pray that He will mold us in to wonderful parents, the exact type of parents He means for us to be. And I pray and am thankful every day for all the mothers out there. For all my mommy friends that I've learned so much from....Thank you!
I remember how I felt when I first found out I was pregnant. Although it was something that Chris and I both wanted, it still was a shock. Our original plan was to wait a couple years before starting a family. I am about to be 28 years old, and I knew I wanted to start having children by the time I was 30. So, to my surprise, after being married only 6 months, Chris told me he was ready and wanted to start trying to get pregnant. Huge shock! I know I bugged him so much with questions like, "are you sure?", "you know this will change our lives forever, right?", "why do you want to have a child now?". Poor guy. I just knew what a huge decision it was, especially for a still newly wed couple. You can probably tell that it took me a couple months to get used to the idea. I've always wanted to be a mom, but to actually be in a place in life where it was possible, that is a different story! I was more nervous at the thought of being a parent than I was actually birthing a baby! I had a lot of fears to get through to be ready to start trying. Issues with my health, the migraines I have has always made me nervous to be a mom. I had no doubt that Chris would be an excellent dad, but would I be a good mom? I felt highly inadequate to raise this precious, fragile child....a child with feelings, emotions, dreams of their own. What if I was an awful mother? But, I knew all these fears were not of God. And Chris helped me to work through them, just like he has in the past with all the different emotions and fears I've had to deal with. After only about a month of prayer about getting pregnant, if it was the right time or not....I was told I probably had endometriosis. If you know anything about this female disease, you know that it can make it harder to get pregnant, but at the same time, pregnancy can help it go away. So, we thought maybe God was directing us to try to start our family. If it some times took a while to get pregnant, maybe now was the time. We continued to pray, all while our friends told us their stories of trying for 6 months or more to get pregnant. I just knew I would be the same way. I really thought it would take a long time to conceive.
So our time line was....Chris told me in January that he was ready to be a father. February was when I was told about the endometriosis. March I stopped my birth control pills. April was a normal month, and May I got pregnant! So, now you know why it was a big surprise even though we knew we were as ready as we could be and weren't preventing it from happening.
So, the decision making started months before our baby was even conceived. And I think it will only get more difficult making decisions about the pregnancy, birth and life of our child. From the beginning, I have been more nervous about after the baby is born, about being a parent. Now, that I'm almost halfway through carrying this little one, (and my belly has started growing!), I'm starting to feel more stress of the decisions of tests, birthing methods, medicines and vaccines. And the list could go on. Our easy decisions were the names for our girl or boy, and how we wanted to decorate the nursery. But, those are fun! No wonder they are easy! The harder decisions are coming quickly. Thank goodness for a brilliant brother who can help lead me in a good direction as far as natural child birth and alternative health care. Thank goodness for an excellent midwife. And thank goodness for tons of friends that have already went through this whole pregnancy process before me! It has been really nice to watch all of my friends become mommies or add little ones into their family. Nice because it is a beautiful thing to behold, and nice because I've been able to learn so much from them. I've learned so many different parenting skills and it's really helped me to decide the type of parent I want to be. I've learned things that I definitely want to do, and things that I want to handle differently than some of the other mommies out there. And that's not to say that the way they parent is bad, at all! It's just different than what I imagine for our family. And I also know, that even though I have this idea in my head of the type of parenting I want us to do, that it may just not happen like that. I believe it depends on the child's personality and temperment. We may end up having to discipline differently than what we plan to now. We may have to be more lenient on certain things and more strict on things that we wouldn't think to be now. I really am trying to have the mindset of "We'll learn as we go". Because no matter how many books I read, or people I talk to...it will be a new adventure for us.
I think what scares me the most is what will happen when our baby starts getting older, like teenage age and then an adult. I've seen what a struggle it is for some parents to learn to let go and let children become adults. Although I've only been on the opposite side of the struggle, I know that it is hard for a parent to view their little child as an adult. My mom and I struggled with this, and I know other moms that struggle with it even today. There's so much psychology that goes in to this; every person and situation is different. But, I think it normally boils down to being able to let go, not have control, and realizing that your child is grown. They will make the decisions they make, even if it is the wrong one or one that you don't agree with. And the only thing you can really do is pray and believe that you raised them to follow after God and His will for their life. It really boils down to trust. Trusting in Him. But, that's a whole other blog. :)
I just pray that God will guide us each step of the way through this pregnancy, through each step of our child's life. I pray He will lead us in every decision we have to make. I pray that He will mold us in to wonderful parents, the exact type of parents He means for us to be. And I pray and am thankful every day for all the mothers out there. For all my mommy friends that I've learned so much from....Thank you!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
My first post ever on my first blog ever.
This is my first post ever, and as you can probably see, I am not too blog savvy. Not yet anyway. I'm going to have to get Chris to help me figure this out, so I can post pictures and have a better layout. But for now, you'll have to be patient with me! Chris is in South Florida for a couple days this weekend, and I am working at my new job, and have internet access! Praise God! (It has been tough without it!) We have had no internet or cable at our home for a number of months now. We were trying to cut down on unnecessary costs. But, now that I have my second part time job, I think we will be able to afford it. I have been wanting to start a blog for a couple months now. I guess ever since we found out I was pregnant, I have been wanting to share this whole new journey with my friends and family. My hopes are that you are able to share in our new adventures to come! So please enjoy all of the future pictures, baby blog post, and our family's thoughts and ideas!
Love,
Victoria
Love,
Victoria
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